Following yesterday’s news of the timely passing of Messtival (2008-2018), festival organizers have announced that they will be holding annual funeral services for the festival at nearby Loserville in Anagance, New Brunswick.
“Whatever happened to that bright-eyed rabbit and creep-eyed turtle?” asks one former Messtival festival organizer who wishes to remain anonymous.
The question is rhetorical. The rabbit and turtle are dead, along with the festival they represented. We collectively killed them – whether through neglect or constant exposure to a consistently toxic atmosphere. Their cartoon blood is on our hands.
Messtival, the New Brunswick music festival widely regarded as possibly the only thing worse than the final season of Game of Thrones, has passed into the hereafter.
Festival attendees, and members of the potential class-action law suit, are invited to attend the funeral services for the festival at nearby Loserville.
“Funeral services are never fun, and Loserville was always such a horrible time, the festival organisers felt it was the most appropriate place to mourn. Messtival isn’t going to a better place,” explains the festival organiser. “It’ll be dark, even for Messtival. Loserville will be so much worse. It is a funeral.”
Service
333 Windmill Road, Anagance, New Brunswick
August 3, 2019
Officiant
The Reverend Jedi Father Jeremie Boudreau
Choir
The Brood, Joyful Noise, Les Moontunes, Chill Teens, Wobble Wallah, Wangled Teb, Shrimp Ring, Hank of the Hill, Fractal Code, STIRFRY, Komah, Dj Lu, Lyra, The Realtor, Ruby Booms, Brett Jönes, Lewcid, Moon Druid, Swivelle, Jedi of Funk, and D Mayne Event.
Acknowledgements
The festival organizers wish to express their sincere gratitude for all those who have supported us during such trying times, specifically Plaggenborg Septic Services of Sussex, New Brunswick: there for all your septic needs.
In lieu of flowers, the festival organizers request that donations can be made to The Church of Scientology Seaborn Measles Research Institute.
Tickets go one sale May 22, 2019 via Facebook.
