Messtival, probably the worst festival anywhere ever, had its 10th annual event this weekend in Anagance, New Brunswick. It took the form of a wrestling championship and as per the long and righteous traditions of Messtival, it sucked worse than a sweat drenched moustache.
Enduring this festival is the equivalent of forcing yourself to watch the slow and inevitable dissolution of Terry Gene Bollea’s career. Those who willingly show up to this disaster get a sort of sick pleasure from inflicting suffering upon themselves year after year. This year made for a new high-water mark for suffering: attendees were forced to watch some of the worst wrestling known to man.
Winner Chip Chambers took home the Wrestle Boy Championship belt, leaving runners-up Markus ‘The Vegan’ Burke and Titus to grieve in their loss. Mercifully, the hand-made chalices they were given as a prizes were destroyed almost immediately. Picking up the shards of their trophies was undoubtedly only practice for picking up the remains of whatever broken lives led them to this place. Better to move on without the physical keepsake of the experience.
In the category of things are almost certainly not fake, My Son The Hurricane possibly drew in the largest 4:00pm crowd Messtival has ever seen. With a large and lively stage presence, the band had everyone in the audience dancing. If we didn’t know any better, we’d almost say they looked like they were having a good time.
Dub Kartel took the wrestling theme to heart, discarding their clothing and their pride to sport real, tight wrestling suits during their set. This served to remind everyone of what an awful time they were actually having; without the darkness how would we ever recognize the light?
Grand Theft Bus went so far as to start wrestling onstage. They tackled each other and one band member even used his synthesizer to hit other members. Maybe they felt the wrestling championship hadn’t been enough. Maybe they felt the crowd hadn’t suffered enough. Maybe they just love to inflict pain. The music sounded pretty alright though, which may have voided their contract with the festival.
Slowcoaster continued this break with the Messtival theme by getting people into a dancing mood with their time-tested hits and Scientists of Sound managed to keep people moving into the early hours of the morning, despite the crowd’s pleas for merciful sleep. The groovy beats sounded so good that by the end of the night, everyone seemed to be actually having fun, destroying the illusion.
For a festival that sets out to put on the worst event of the year, we would say this year was almost a win. Even though the majority of the day was just awful, the night still ended with smiles, laughter and dancing, despite their best efforts.
Better luck next year, Messtival.